Waving…

“Hey, I’m still here.”

Sorry, just been hanging out elsewhere the past week:

Tuesday: Humor Bloggers Fantasy Football League Blog where I was playing Tuesday Morning Quarterback.

Wednesday: Unfinished Rambler where I counted down The Top 10 Biblical Characters To Dress Up As At Halloween…Er…Harvest Parties.

Today: In this place (rubber ducky soap optional):

Taking Immodium. Enough said.

“See you all next week.”

…waving.

Title: Mercury Falls
Author: Robert Kroese
Publication Year: 2009
Pages: 337
Genre: Fiction
Count for Year: 48

How I discovered

It’s a wee bit complicated, but the short version is that I know Robert Kroese through a site called Humor-Blogs, where my blog Unfinished Rambler is listed. Rob, also known as “Diesel” to most people who know him, has his own humor blog, Mattress Police. Using material from that blog, he published his first book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police in 2007. Based on the overwhelming (positive or negative? I make no value judgments here) response he received there, he actually thought that he was qualified to write a novel, and, lo and behold, two years later, he has shown the world he can write a novel.

But the question is this: Is it worth the $12 you have to pay on Amazon for the paperback or even the $5 for the Kindle version? Damned if I know, since (note to Federal Trade Commission: disclosure notice) I got a free copy as a financial supporter of Humor-Blogs…however, you may be wondering for yourself, and by the end of this review, I may give you an answer to that very question whether it’s worth actually purchasing and worth me keeping on my shelf for future re-reading. As is my nature, though, I may just ramble on and on and on and not get to an answer at all. Stick around and see, though. It still might be a fun ride.

The setup

The world is ending. Again.

Years of covering the antics of End Times cults for a religious news magazine have left Christine Temeri not only jaded but seriously questioning her career choice.

That is until she meets Mercury, an anti-establishment angel who’s frittering his time away whipping up batches of Rice Krispy Treats and perfecting this ping-pong backhand instead of doing his job:  helping to orchestrate Armageddon. With the end near and angels and demons debating the finer political points of the Apocalypse, Christine and Mercury accidentally foil an attempt to assassinate one Karl Grissom, a thirty-seven-year-old film school dropout about to make his big break as the Antichrist.

Now to save the world, she must negotiate the byzantine bureaucracies of Heaven and Hell and convince the apathetic Mercury to take a stand, all the while putting up with the obnoxious mouth-breathing Antichrist.

– from the back of the book

The novel begins twenty miles outside of Elko, Nevada on a plateau with Temeri covering the story of the Reverend Jonas Bitters, First Prophet of the Church of the Bridegroom, and a small group of his followers who believe that the Second Coming of Christ will occur April 29 shortly before dawn. Not surprisingly, Christ doesn’t return, with the blame falling on Ten Virgins who aren’t…well, all they seem to be. For Christine, it is just another story of a religious crackpot who thinks he knows the future but doesn’t, the same kind of story she’s done for years.

And now her publisher, Harry, wants her to interview the next crackpot, Galileo Mercury until she says that she can’t take much more of covering the “Apocalypse circuit.” Then Harry gives her the ultimate interview, with General David Isaakson of the Israeli Army, also known as “the Architect of the Apocalypse” in the middle of a conflict between Israel and Syria (and as Harry says: “Maybe the Iranians too.”). Even though ostensibly it’s about the Apocalypse, it also is the chance to get her name known on the international front. So she goes…

…and ends up coming back to Mercury in a roundabout way — and then to Grissom, the Antichrist selected in a contest by an author promoting the last book of her series about a boy named Charlie Nix, which seems more than vaguely reminiscent of another famous series by another famous author. But could he be the real Antichrist? And what does a metallic attache case that Isaakson gave to her to take to Mercury have to do with anything?

I’m not telling you. You’ll have to read it. However, I can tell you that it is a fun ride with Christine along the way as she crosses paths with fallen angels and archangels alike and travels through portals to the basements of Heaven and the attics of Hells trying to answer those very questions. How much fun? Let me give you a few samples, starting with a footnote (yes, there are footnotes) about the Antichrist:

The identity of the Antichrist is, of course, less important than the fact that there is an Antichrist. No one cares much what the Antichrist says or does, but they feel better knowing he’s around. In this way, he is much like the Pope or the United Nations.

It is probably not entirely coincidental that both the Pope and the United Nations have often been accused of being the Antichrist. Other individuals and organizations have also made the short list, of course. Nero was an early favorite, and dictators like Napoleon and Hitler were strong contenders. Even the affable U.S. President Ronald Wilson Reagan — who had the distinction of having six letters in each of his three names– was named a potential Antichrist. Later, the name of vaunted Israeli General David Isaakson also tended to crop up among people who discussed such things.

Yet, on some level, most people seemed to sense that someone like Hitler was too obvious a choice. Once you make it clear that your intention is global conquest, the mystery is gone and people start to look for someone with less pedestrian aims. Start talking about a Brotherhood of Man or a New World Order, though, and ears perk up.

People also seem to intuitively understand that Antichrist is really more of a figurehead position. They expect the Antichrist to make ominous pronouncements that can be disassembled and slotted into a prefabricated eschatological framework, not impose martial law or orchestrate mass killings. It is safe to say, however, that nobody expected the Antichrist to look quite like Karl Grissom.

Then this:

There were thirty-eight Charlie’s Grills on I-5 in between Yreka, California and Los Angeles, spaced so that on a road trip from one end of the state to the other one could eat breakfast, lunch and dinner– not to mention brunch, linner and several other meals to be named later– from a completely standarized menu of entrees that ranged in quality from passable to mediocre.

This proliferation of family restaurants was not, despite the protestations of anti-sprawl advocates and concerned cardiologists, part of any kind of diabolical plan. This isn’t to say that there was no plan, or that there weren’t demonic entities involved in its inception, but the actual marketing strategy and franchise agreements were more intrinsically Satanic than was the norm for the hospitality industry. Charlie’s Grill was only evil to the extent that it concealed the unremarkable character of its food with a facade constructed of faux brick walls and artificially weathered signs promoting no-longer-existent brands of soda and/or motor oil with slogans like “The smoothest yet!” That is to say, it was about as evil as Applebee’s.

Charlie’s Grill was, pure and simple, a money-making operation for Lucifer, who had long ago come to terms with the fact that while spreading depravity and ruination was his true calling, it didn’t always pay the bills. Lucifer was a true believer in the adage that no one ever went broke overestimating the numbers of time that Americans can pull over for cheeseburgers. It wasn’t an exciting or particularly sinister way of making money, but it did make possible all sorts of other costly but worthwhile diabolical schemes, so Lucifer expanded the operation at every opportunity.

And finally this:

The Apocalypse Accord is a long and mind-numbingly detailed document, hashed out by seraphic lawyers over the course of several thousand years to cover every conceivable aspect of the Apocalypse. Regarding the Antichrist it reads, in part:

The Antichrist is to be the official representative of Lucifer on earth. The Antichrist must be a human being of Semitic descent (at least one sixteenth on the father’s side), and is to be selected by Lucifer (or his designated representatives) a minimum of forty days prior to the commencement of Phase One of the Apocalypse. Once selected, the Antichrist’s name must be submitted to the Senate, the Antichrist comes under legal protection of the Senate’s Committee on Persons of Apocalyptic Interest, and may not be physically harmed or coerced in any way by any parties to this agreement (See “When Are Agents of Heaven Permitted to Attempt to Kill the Antichrist?” in Appendix L). The Senate then has seven days to ratify or veto the selection. If the candidate is vetoed, the Senate must also provide a written rationale for their veto (For a detailed list of Antichrist qualifications, see Appendix F: “So You Think You’ve Got a Candidate for the Position of Antichrist?”). If the Senate does not veto or ratify the candidate’s selection within seven days, the candidate’s selection is assumed to be ratified by default. Once a candidate is ratified, the Side of Heaven has forty days to publicly denounce the candidate as the Antichrist and an agent of Lucifer. Failure to adequately denounce the candidate within forty days of his or her ratification will cause the Hosts of Heaven to be held in Breach of this Accord, and to be ascribed penalties as detailed in Appendix H (“Denunciation: Why It Matters.”). Once the candidate is denounced, he or shall be considered to be Antichrist and will be accorded various Powers and Principalities (see “Legal and Tax Ramifications of Being Classified as the Antichrist” in Appendix P).

So final answer to the question: Is it worth the $12 you have to pay on Amazon for the paperback or even the $5 for the Kindle version? And is it worth it for me to keep on my shelf for future re-reading? Yes. After all that rambling,  most of it as you might note not done by myself but Mr. Kroese, not only might it be a fun ride, but also it is a fun ride.

My final rating: a 4.5 out of 5 with the 1/2 point for my getting a free copy. :)

My rating system:

5- Classic, must read
4- Worth owning a copy
3- Worth picking up at library
2- Worth skimming at the bookstore
1- Worth being a doorstop

This post also can be found on my main blog, an unfinished person (in an unfinished universe). If you only are interested in getting a more complete picture of this unfinished person, you can subscribe to that blog, if you so choose. I also posted this at my blog, Unfinished Rambler, since the book is, after all, a humorous one.

Today I am returning a pile of books that I took out of the library earlier this month — unread. I write this as I sit on our couch with a bookshelf beside me. I turn 90 degrees to the right and can see in our bedroom another shelf with books, not to mention I turn another 45 degrees on the other side of the L-shaped couch and see yet another bookshelf full of books. Most of the books on the shelves are like the books I am returning — unread.

I am keeping one book from the library, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, because I am reading it as part of the Baker Street Challenge. However, two other Agatha Christie books, Poirot Loses A Client and Death On The Nile, I am returning even though I am in the Agatha Christie Reading Challenge. Why? Because I know I can get to them later and also after a spree of reading several of her books in a row, I need a short break. I will return to them at the beginning of the month, with yet another spree.

Another reason for my returning the books unread is because I have become too indiscriminate in choosing books to read. Last week I just randomly chose books from the shelves. I ended up with quite a few “H” authors as a result. I have discussed this previously on this blog: why am I reading?

As I’ve mentioned in the past, it’s not that I have to be taught some grand life lesson in every book that I pick up. However, on the other side, I don’t want to read books just because they are there– or read purely for “leisure.” Yes, reading can be– and should be– fun but sometimes I have to ask myself what am I hoping to get from this book besides a good feeling.

Life, in my opinion, is too short to be wasted on all pulp fiction. That does not mean I don’t read some “pulp fiction,” because even from the “mundane,” something can be gained. However I do find value, sometimes more value, in reading books that are classics, one of the reasons I’ve joined the Really Old Classics Challenge, or as I do often on Wednesdays read spiritual books. For example, on my Wednesday reading list is a biography of St. Teresa of Avila by Rowan Williams and also a Stephen Mitchell translation of the Tao Te Ching.

All this to say that I want to be more discriminate about what I choose to read. From now, I am going to work toward the goal of considering a book before picking it from the shelf — and aim toward that “shelf” being one of those already in our house before the library. Why pick up books at book sales if you’re not going to read them?

On that note, I’m off to read the biography of St. Teresa of Avila or the Tao Te Ching or who knows maybe something off one of those shelves I discussed earlier.

This post also can be found on my main blog, an unfinished person (in an unfinished universe). If you are interested in getting a more complete picture of this unfinished person, you can subscribe to that blog, if you so choose.

Unlike previous weeks where my Library Loot was mainly Agatha Christie, this week I’ve mixed it up a bit with a random collection of whatever caught my eye on the shelf, for the most part. I say for the most part, because the first one on the list is one that has been discussed on a few book blogs that I read.

Without further adieu, here is this week’s Library Loot, an event co-sponsored by Eva from The Striped Armchair and Marg of Reading Adventures:

• The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
• The Camel Bookmobile by Masha Hamilton
• Adverbs by Daniel Handler, also known as Lemony Snicket
• Generation Loss by Elizabeth Hand

Still left over from earlier this month:

• The Camel Club by David Baldacci, as recommended by a friend on Facebook
• The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle, which is the next book I’m reading as part of the Baker Street Challenge.
• Born To Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Never Seen by Christopher McDougall
• Epiletic by David B.
• Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine
• Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451: The Authorized Adaptation by Ray Bradbury and Tim Hamilton (illustrator).
• Uncorrected Proof by Louisiana Alba, author of the blog Swimanog.
• Marvellous Hairy by Mark A. Rayner, author of the blog The Skwib and an earlier book, The Amadeus Net.
• Mercury Falls by Rob Kroese, author of the blog Mattress Police and an earlier book, Antisocial Commentary: From the Secret Files of the Mattress Police.

Oh, and I do have two Agatha Christie books out for the Agatha Christie Reading Challenge in which I am participating:

• Poirot Loses A Client (aka Dumb Witness)
• Death On The Nile

This post also can be found on my main blog, an unfinished person (in an unfinished universe). If you are interested in getting a more complete picture of this unfinished person, you can subscribe to that blog, if you so choose.

Weekly Geeks 37 of this year woke me up this morning.

Why? I’m not sure, but it did. The focus was on bloggers who are different from you, either in terms of race, ethnicity, religion, cultural background or age and came from Ali of Worducopia.

I had a dream with African-American people in it — no, really, no pun intended on the “I had a dream” speech, and it woke me up to thinking about Ali’s theme.

First, at least to me naturally as a Caucasian male living in northcentral Pennsylvania where there is a dearth (huge) of African Americans, I thought of African-American bloggers I know, let alone, book bloggers.

Sadly, I only can think of two:

• Nicole of Linus’s Blanket, a book blogger
• T. Troy Stewart of originally BlackCynic America and now Chubby Afro

I connected with T. Troy Stewart briefly through Humor-Blogs.com, I believe, although I’m not positive, and Nicole, I’m thinking through Weekly Geeks. I’ll be honest that I lost track of Mr. Stewart until this morning, when I looked up his former blog and learned that it had moved — back in June! As for Nicole, I don’t follow her blog that much either, although I think she is one of the more sincere book bloggers out there, regardless of race. And I’m not just saying that to be politically correct either.

Is it because I’m racist that I don’t follow more blogs by Afrrican Americans? You might think is a cop-out, but no, it’s because I don’t keep up with hardly anyone’s blogs anymore. I have too many in my reader and sometimes like Troy’s, they get lost and more often like Nicole’s, they just don’t get read. I mark all as read or star to read later, but sadly never do. I just can’t say no to blogs. I read a post and go, “Oooh, I connect with that,” and add to my reader. Suddenly, I have 150 to 200 blogs in my readers (one for book blogs and one for humor blogs).

I won’t go into the psychology behind any of this now (save that for another post or not, maybe it’s just something I need to work out on my own); suffice to say or not suffice to say really, I haven’t really tried to go “outside the box.” If one looks at the blogs I follow at my “humor” blog, Unfinished Rambler, it is the same, mostly white, a mixture of conservative (even though I lean left) and liberal (mostly moderate). On the blog directory, Blogged, 294 blogs identify themselves as “African American,” one of which is Nicole’s blog, and that’s only on one blog directory, and I know of only two???!?!

To me, that’s sad. Does that mean I’m going to go out and find hundreds more blogs to read? I’ll be honest. No. Like I said, I have a hard enough time keeping up with what I read now. However, if I can one or two more like Nicole and Troy’s and follow them regularly along with Nicole and Troy’s, I will consider myself lucky.

*******

Second, I think of bloggers of other races and those of other religions. Again, I can think of less than a handful. In this case, I just will list those bloggers I follow who are “outside my box” either racially, religiously or culturally, at least those of whom I can think off the top of my head:

• Gautami Tripathy of Everything distils into reading
• Marie of The Boston Bibliophile, who is Jewish
• Kerrie Smith of Mysteries in Paradise, from Adelaide, South Australia.
• Dannie of Opinionated? Me?, who describes herself as “a rather simple, rather bleak fourteen year old living in The Ultimate Trashhole, New Jersey” but is anything but.

All four, though, for me “operate” above and beyond, race, religion, culture or age. To me, that is what makes the few bloggers I have mentioned “outside my box” so good as bloggers, though. They aren’t defined as “African American” (well, except maybe Troy, I mean his blog is called “Chubby Afro,” after all) or “Jewish,” “South Australian,” or “teen” and are able to bridge gaps between race, religion, culture and age (even Troy ;).

*******

I have no answers here in this post, but maybe you could ask yourself, who do I read that it “outside my box”? If you don’t, why not try and find a blogger who is “outside your box” today? I know I’m going to work at finding at least a few  more who are not like me. I encourage you to do the same.

This post also can be found on my main blog, an unfinished person (in an unfinished universe). If you are interested in getting a more complete picture of this unfinished person, you can subscribe to that blog, if you so choose.